


As a Wind in the Mountains Assualts an Oak

by verbaepulchellae



Series: Time Passes But I Sleep Alone [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellamy is still kind of a sad jerk, Canon Compliant, Explicit Language, F/M, post 3.03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 14:20:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5970127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verbaepulchellae/pseuds/verbaepulchellae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That wasn’t Clarke, a traitorous voice whispers in the back of his head. That blonde grounder with the braids and the war paint. That’s not the girl he fought and bled and killed with. That's not the girl he found a week ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As a Wind in the Mountains Assualts an Oak

**Author's Note:**

> Oh heyyyy, sliding right in under the deadline to get this done before 3x04.
> 
> Title is from Sappho's fragment 16.

_She’s too good for you._

It echoes in his head as he stumbles after Kane and Chancellor Griffin, rings loud above the rush of blood in his ears and the head splitting ache that’s starting behind his left eye and radiating further with each step that carries them down the main staircase of Polis’ tower. 

_Sinclair and I are the only ones left. I’m so sorry._

_I’m sorry._ Says another voice, cool, distant. A stranger. 

Bellamy slams his fist into the wall, loud and yells. There aren’t words, he doesn’t have words. Kane turns and glares at him.

“Blake,” he snaps.

“Fuck off,” Octavia spits at him and pushes herself between them. She takes Bellamy’s face between her hands and makes him look at her. Bellamy sees her, but he also sees Gina. He also sees a blonde grounder with braids and war paint and a familiar face that looks at him like he’s no one. “I know what you’re feeling,” Octavia says softly. “But we need to go right now, Bellamy.”

Bellamy grasps Octavia’s wrist and pulls her off him like she’s burning him. “Hey,” Octavia snarls, but Bellamy staggers past her and Kane and past Chancellor Griffin without meeting any of their stares. 

“Let’s go,” he grits out. He doesn’t care he’s not supposed to give orders any more. Who is left to give orders if not him?

 _She’s too good for you._ Goddamn right she was. _I’m sorry._ Fuck.

That wasn’t Clarke, a traitorous voice whispers in the back of his head. That blonde grounder with the braids and the war paint. That’s not the girl he fought and bled and killed with. That's not the girl he found a week ago. Not the girl whose eyes said _I’ve killed a near thousand, what makes you think I won’t kill you_ in one moment and in the next melted at his face, his voice, back to the girl he knew, the girl he… 

God, Gina. 

She knew. She knew even though he tried to put it out of his mind since that first night under the full moon with his lips against hers. She had watched him fight the distant between them, fought that distance for him when he resigned himself to it. She had soft hands, an honest smile and skin that felt good under his rough, blood stained hands. She laughed without shame and kissed like she meant it. Spoke her mind without making it a challenge and woke him from his nightmares with a hand on his chest. And she was… she was…

Bellamy buries his head in his hands on the jeep ride back and Octavia sits next to him but doesn’t say a word. Doesn’t touch him. He tries not to let it feel like another betrayal. 

Chancellor Griffin sits across from them. “She’s doing the right thing,” she says quietly to Octavia, a soft note of pleading in her voice that Octavia answers as gently as Octavia answers anything. 

“What she thinks is right.”

Bellamy feels sick but there is no cool steel of the Ark to brace against, there is no blonde hair or proffered cups of water or herbal solutions to ease the roll of his stomach. He chokes on nothing and bites viciously into his hand between his thumb and forefinger. 

“Hey,” Chancellor Griffin says and reaches out to stop him but Bellamy recoils. He can’t have her touch him. “Octavia, stop him, he’s going to hurt himself!” Octavia wrenches Bellamy’s arm away from him, fights against his wild strength to trap his hands on his legs. When he looks down there’s a deep bite mark in his hand but he doesn’t feel it.

He feels instead coarse blonde hair under his fingertips but soft curls in his palms. Feels Gina’s lips against his own, her breath soft on his face and the stab wound in his leg as he staggers through unknown woods in armor that rubs his skin raw. He feels a haughty gaze from an elevated throne and the knife of betrayal between his ribs. 

He hears _I’m sorry_ from a cool, distant girl who looks at him like he’s no one and whom he cannot recognize. 

When he starts to laugh, he’s grateful that Octavia drives the hilt of her sword into his temple. At least in darkness he does not have to feel.

**Author's Note:**

> #ginadeservedbetter2k16
> 
> Comments and/or kudos always appreciated.


End file.
